ASHES

As days go by, there is a feeling which props up every now and then. At around 1 in the night there is a sudden sense of doing something constructive, which may include a warm chat with college mates but only as one of many things. I don’t feel like going to sleep as yet, but the other thing is that I don’t want to wake up late the next morning either. As is the case with many of us we sleep late and get up at as well.

The office can be really trying and tiring at times. So much so that you feel the same tension going to office as you did going to school when you were 5. It just doesn’t settle in for a fact that this is my livelihood and I have to accept it, and strive to keep getting better by the day. Most days we end up leaving office with a sense of relief. This relief is however short lived.

As I move from my office to my flat in gurgaon, these thoughts start encroaching upon me as what I am going to do at home. The first answer is obviously make a nice cup of tea and light up the proverbial ‘sutta’. What next? Watch tv? Well I have to wait till 12.30 for friends as there is not much interesting stuff on tv either. What next? Make something to eat – aha! Here I have got options. Is it going to be magi today or should we go for half fried eggs and bread jam? What next? Well not much except for a little bit of coding.

Spending time in the office is as suffocating as it is relieving. A get away from thoughts about planning the next two hours of the day. Being in the office still gives you the feeling of involvement. Involvement with the rest of the world. It has to be said that we don’t say this often enough that going to office is fun and interesting. It keeps you on your toes alright, or your backsides in my case. Not to mention the tremendous opportunities it provides for us to learn and know about different things albeit only to be learnt and not used. I believe credit should be given where it is due.

Talking about giving due credit I would like to express my thoughts about a man who needs due credit. Saurav Ganguly has never been one of my favorite cricketers. Probably because he was a bit of a prodigy and not as hard working. He has made two comebacks in to the Indian team in his career. Both these comebacks were steered more by the people he knew or the image he had than what he did on the field. But both the times he made it pretty clear that his inclusion in the side is not unworthy. He did that by making a hundred on debut at lords the first time and everyone knows he has been Mr. consistent for India of late. Dada deserves the praise he is getting and I hope he continues to play this well for India for a long time. As much I am happy that he is back, I am glad that he was sent out in the first place.

So as it unfolds its 4am in the morning and I should go to sleep. Have a nice day!

Driving is one of the perfect getaways for me. Especially if the drive is on lonely roads albeit at 6am in the morning. So I grabbed this opportunity recently to drive my parents to my native place, Jhansi in UP. We left at 6 in the morning a wonderful time for driving and with the lovely roads of Delhi and the well built Agra highway it was a great experience. We made it to Jhansi at 2pm in the afternoon and it was very fulfilling to have driven all the way to my birth place.

Jhansi as most would know is a small town/city in UP mainly famous for the Rani of Jhansi. However, some of the little known facts about Jhansi are that it is the native place of Major Dhyaan Chand and that it has the third longest railway platform in India.

Jhansi has been a place meant only for fun to me. I can’t even remember the number of trips I have made their and its been so enjoyable each and every time. The small roads with pot holes, the pigs lying in the nail outside and ofcourse the ‘pahad’ where me and my cousins have made numerous adventure visits when we were young.

Its always nice to go to a place that you can relate to so much. I once went to a barber in Jhansi for the first time. He was an old man who looked at me and said “tum to Vishwas (my father) ke ladke ho”. You feel as if you are back home, and this feeling is enhanced by the long impending development of the area. For the last 23 years I haven’t seen 23 changes in Jhansi that I could register. And that is what makes the place so special. It never changes. It almost a fairy land where I always find family people who have conjured lots of jokes and stories to tell since the last time we met. Endless number of stories and laugh riots that can give you a sour throat.
Its funny though how sometimes getting back to home can become a getaway. Whenever I am in jhansi there is a sense of calm within. And the worst part is when we have to keep our pakced bags in the auto to leave for the station. I guess at the end of the day its aways good to be home. As I was taking a walk with my uncle in my very own streets of sipri bazaar it felt as if I were walking in dilshad garden, my home in delhi. My uncle stopped at a shop to ask for something. Just close by in another shop, a man wearing a typical muslim topi was having his lunch. He looked at me standing in a corner, and as I looked at him he asked me ‘aur kya haal hain?’ I replied in a dim voice “bas badhiya hai sab”. It really felt like I was home.

Head Held High

It’s been a long time since I have written something in this space. Work has been ususal to say the least. Although there was some excitement as one of my clients expressed satisfaction over my work. However, largely the last couple of weeks or so I have had the feeling that my company might just relieve me. No worries, I just try to be ready for the worst.

It’s been a long time since I last played some cricket as well, though watching it has been the in thing. With India doing some things right it was a great experience getting back to reading newspapers in the morning. Its really a special to see happy faces of your team in the morning newspaper. It sets up my day quite nicely. While in another part of the world my other team had a mixed time. My hostel cricket team at IIT did well to win both its league matches. It was as always a happy site. While I tried to become an unbiased spectator, inside me there was fueling desire to cheer my team. I eventually did it after we won a close game. But the sad part was to lose the semi final. I had thought of not being too bothered by the result of this game. But when I can turn red when India loses, its difficult to control the disappointment when your team loses at IIT. A team you represented for five years. A team that I virtually owned. One thing that I did do successfully was to say too much to the team. I hope I was successful at that. I have always believed that the men in the middle should make the decisions. I said enough when I was in control and never liked somebody intruding irrespective of who he was. I hope I will never do that myself.

The team fought with good spirit and at the end of the day you can’t ask for more. But its difficult to satisfy yourself with that. This is the cruel part of sports, when you come off the field you can not hang your head in shame. Pride is your only prize of the match. But it comes at a great cost. You can tell yourself 1000 funda’s in life but when you lose that head of yours starts to weigh so much that it’s just impossible to keep it up. The eyes staring at you and the hands coming to you in consolation are the final nail in the coffin called defeat.

I still think one should keep his head high. There is absolutely nothing to be gained from it. All it does is that it doesn’t give that bit extra to your opponent. That’s why I have always believed in admitting a mistake to the fullest. You may not stand to gain from it, but it gives you a better chance of preventing any further ‘losses’.

Like most iitians I hated chemistry, and I’ll always remember one incident when my chemistry teacher in class 12th scolded me by saying – ‘tumhe kuch bhi nahi aata, kyun shreyas aajkal chemistry nahi padhte na?’ to which I replied very politely – ‘haan mam nahi padhta’. My teacher just bursted in to laughter saying that I had left her with nothing to say beyond this. Five years later I am a master in chemical engineering and working in business research in the energy (oil & gas) sector.

Disclaimer: the last two sentences are mutually independent. However true…and how!